When the stars shine up in the sky I miss you… When the sun rises and sets every day, I miss you… When the rain falls, and everything Looks bright and beautiful, I miss you… Every day, every hour, In everything I do, I miss you!

Today we would like to share a post by Austin‘s Mom, Ilse on his Facebook Page.

It is heartbreaking to lose a child, and the hurt takes an awfully long time to heal. If you know someone who has lost a child, just be there for them… be a listening post, a shoulder, a loving pair of arms. Be patient and be understanding; they are dealing with one of the worst pains any human being has to go through… the loss of a child!

Austin & Family: The Last Outing
Austin & Family: The Last Outing

Ons laaste outing op die dag ‘n week voor die Here jou kom haal het. Ek is so onsaglik lief vir jou! Elke dag sonder jou raak swaarder en swaarder ek wens vir die seer om weg te gaan en dit is so seer om na jou gesiggie op my PC te kyk. Ek weet ek sanik alweer my kind maar ek mis jou so baie. Ek weet nie wat om met my pyn en hartseer en woede te doen nie. Ek kan nie eers die Here vra help nie want ek kan nie met Hom praat nie. Ek verstaan nog nie hoekom hoe en waarom nie, ek is kwaad en hartseer en verward en naar alles in een. Al wat ek vir Hom vra is Gee my kind terug maak my wakker uit hierdie nagmerrie, maar elke dag moet ek opstaan sonder jou. Ek weet waar jy is het jy nie pyn nie….maar hoekom moes jy ooit pyn gehad het, ek kan nie redes of antwoorde kry nie??? Ek weet jy se nou “Chill momsie” maar tot ek jou nie weer kan sien en vas hou nie sal ek seker nooit weer chill nie. Ek tjank vir alles ek vermy mense ek vermy plekke ek vermy alles wat my aan jou laat dink en dit laat my net meer angstig voel. Elke Saterdag is hell! Ek wil nie opstaan nie ek wil niks doen nie ek luister jou liedjies en vra net gee my kind terug asb asb asb. Jou kersie sal weer vannaand 9:39 brand vir 16min, ons het jou assies die week gekry dit is in jou kamer saam al jou ander goedjies. Ek het nog nie kan gesien om deur al jou meds en pleisters en roome en alles te gaan nie. Ek is bang jou reuk verdwyn uit die kamer uit. Ek kom groet jou nog elke oggend net om seker te maak jy is nie daar nie. Ek wonder of die pyn ooit sal weg gaan. Dit voel nie so nie….ek dink dit raak erger,sal ons weer ooit “normaal” wees??? Ons kort ‘n kind, ek kan nie jou matriek afskeid reel nie, ek kan nie dink aan jou droom trou vrou nie, ek kan nie dink aan wanneer jy eendag sou graad vang nie, ek dink aan jou 21st party Ek dink daar aan dat jy nou sou rugby gespeel het. Ek dink dat ek nou al vir jou ‘n nuwe skool sweetpak sou moes koop. Ek weet almal dink ek is stapel gek om aan al die goed te dink maar alles wat mens oorals sien en hoor herhindr my aan jou. My angel ek is lief vir jou, sien jou vannaand.

English Translation Our last outing… a week to the day before the Lord came to fetch you. I love you so incredibly much! Every day without you becomes more and more difficult; I just wish the pain would go away – it is so painful to look at your face on my PC. I know I am really droning on my child, but I miss you so much. I do not know what to do with my pain and sadness and anger. I cannot even ask the Lord to help because I cannot talk to him… I still do not understand the why how and wherefore – I am angry… and sad… and confused… and nauseous… all at the same time. All I ask of Him is to give my child back… to awaken me from this nightmare… but every day I must get up without you. I know that where you are you do not have pain…. but why should you ever have had to deal with that pain in the first place… I cannot find reasons or answers ??? I know you would say now “Chill, Momsy” but until I can see you again… and hold you… I will probably never ever chill again. I cry for everything and nothing… I avoid people… I avoid places… I avoid everything that reminds me of you… and it just makes me feel more anxious and upset. Every Saturday is hell! I do not want to get up… I do not want to do anything… I listen to your songs and ask “just give my child back to us please, please, please.” Your candle will burn again tonight at 9:39 for 16 minutes. We got your ashes this week and they are in your room with your other things. I still have not been able to go through all your meds and plasters and creams and everything… I’m afraid your smell will disappear from the room. I still come to greet you every morning just to make sure you are not there. I wonder if the pain will ever go away? It does not feel like it… I think it just gets worse… will we ever be “normal” again??? We are short a child; I cannot arrange your matric farewell; I cannot think of your dream wife to be; I cannot think of the day you will earn a degree.  I think of your 21st party… I think about the fact that you would have played rugby now; I think about the fact that I would have had to buy you a new school tracksuit round about now… I know everyone thinks I’m stir-crazy to think about all these things, but everything that I see and hear makes me think of you… reminds me of you… My angel I love you, see you tonight.

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